Vampire Weekend... or as Rachel puts it "The Worst Crowd Ever"

I've written before about how much Terminal 5 sucks as a venue. The sound echos, the sight lines are poor, and the staff are grumpy and unfriendly (everything a fuckin' hipster wants in a venue). The evening started with the wristband lady putting about 89% of the sticky part of the wristband onto the hairiest part of my arm, then getting one serious pat down from security. The moment I walked in I noticed the fact that I had to be one of the oldest people there... and even more so than the average show.

The band came out shortly after we got there (we timed it well). A few moments after they started playing I realized why Vampire Weekend hasn't gone from a band I like to that next level. The band seems to be made of a bunch of spoiled little rich kids, whom have never felt and could use a nice punch in the face. (to read more about the good a punch to the face can do http://midwestlivinginnyc.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html)

But what really stole the show was the large contingent of douche bags right next to us. Rachel stood to the right of me... and to the right of her there was a guy (maybe 21) with dark hair, a vacant look, and a loud voice, clearly attempting to get into the pants of two obnoxious girls. Both bleach blond, both desperately attempting to get attention from anything with a penis... one tall and skinny, one short. So they start by introducing themselves to one another... loudly.

"SO WHERE YA TWO FROM?" Meat head says.

"WE'RE FROM JERSEY!" bleach blond skinny says.

"WE'RE YOU FROM?" bleach blond short says.

"I'M FROM NEW HAVEN" Meat head says.

"WHAT'S NEW HAVEN LIKE" bleach blond skinny says.

"IT'S AWESOME... THE BARS WE'RE EASY TO GET INTO EVEN BEFORE..."

I think you get the point. They sucked hardcore. It never ceases to amaze me that people will lay down hard earned cash to go see a band and then talk through the whole thing. I sort of realize that these assholes were just spending the allowance their parents gave them but still.

During the third or fourth song the meat head started yelling to the Jersey girls that "I LOVE THIS FUCKIN' SONG. THIS SONG IS FUCKING AWESOME. THIS SONG IS THE BEST." (and so on) At this point Rachel had had enough and went to go get another beer. The second she left they oozed into the space she left. After about a song Rachel came back and went to the other side of me intent on not standing next to the assholes. In response I had to scoot over to where Rachel was standing and now 'bleach blond skinny' was. She wasn't hard to move.

Then as I do at concerts I sort of tap my foot and dance in a very white manner. This upset 'bleach blond skinny' who went on to complain loudly that I was, put politely, invading her personal space... she complained for two songs and eventually I leaned over and said. "If you didn't want to be touched you probably shouldn't have moved over the second my girlfriend went to get a beer." She grumbled about this for like 30 seconds and went back to talking loudly through the set.

After another 2 songs I had had enough and went into full asshole mode. I leaned into the middle of their stupid conversation.

"EXCUSE ME..." I yelled... "HOW YOU LIKING THE SHOW SO FAR?" Imagine now 3 idiots staring dumbfounded at me (portly clearly 30 something with a beard and long hair). "CAUSE I"M BORED... I"D KIND OF LIKE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION. I'VE ONLY PAID $25 BUCKS FOR THESE TICKETS AND MY PARENTS GIVE ME A HUGE... I MEAN HUGE ALOWANCE. SO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT... CAUSE I LIKE TO TALK THROUGH CONCERTS TO."

Bleach blond short is the only one who actually gets that I am fucking with them. She decides she's gonna play along.
"SO WHAT's YOUR NAME?" She asks.

"I'M BILL." I respond "HAVE YOU BEEN A FAN LONG?"

"YEAH... THEY"RE AWESOME... WHERE ARE YOU FROM?"

"NEW HAVEN!!!!" I yell at the top of my lungs. At this point 'Meat head' moves over and stands with his back to me... which is sweet, cause he was pretty much like a sound barrier.

20 minutes later Rachel's sitting on a couch upstairs and a guy on all sorts of drugs (Meth?) flops onto the couch she was sitting on... he apparently thought the couch was empty... but let me tell you, the look of shock on both of their faces when there was about 2 inches of free air between their noses all of a sudden was precious.

I wasn't the only one. A coworker who was at the show told me about a woman who had a 2 foot deep ass that tried to fit into the 1 foot deep space between her and the guy in front of her. She's from Trinidad... so you can say that wasn't happening.

So the moral of the story. Don't go see Vampire Weekend... "here there be douche bags".